My eyes began to open, although I didn't know it at the time, when I began this journey several years ago. Certain tools were placed before me that I had the guts to explore, ultimately leading me to yoga and meditation. This is where the journey truly began to unfold. I didn't just magically find peace. Heck no! I was that person in the back of the room rolling her eyes as the teacher taught breathing methods to reduce stress and who was sitting up before the end of savasana. (Now the two most important parts of my practice). Slowly, over time, I started to become my own hero. I began to immerse myself into the process of actively expressing my genuine self, mastering my mind and overcoming my patterns. This was also not a magical, overnight process. However, getting one little taste of freedom along the way, was all it took. Those small bites made me crave more. I suddenly started to feel the weight of the armor I'd created for protection get too heavy. I had no idea what I was doing. I was scared. What will people think? How will I be judged? Criticised? To be honest I wanted to crawl back in my cocoon as my husband so affectionately refers to it. Fortunately, the armor was too heavy and going back under it was not a load I could bear. With that I had to take a good, hard look at the pain I had caused myself. At first, I wanted to blame others for taking advantage of me. Hell, I still want to blame others, it's our human nature to do so. But the reality is, I've grown enough to know myself and the role I play in the dance. Forgiving myself and others has allowed me to UN-Tuck the Fringe even more. Step by step. Day by day.
Taking personal responsibility is the only way to move forward and it appears to be very difficult to do in our culture of constant blame. Brendon Burchard said: "We must be conscious and responsible for our beliefs and behaviors, if we are to be free." That might seem like a difficult thing to do, but doesn't it feel better to know that it's all up to us? I spent many years working in an industry where my success was directly tied to the actions of others. I could recruit and prep and cultivate relationships between candidates and hiring managers, but ultimately the success of the placement came from the actions of the other two parties showing up. So now, at this stage in my life, it feels good to know ITS ALL UP TO ME! Well, good to know and scary at the same time. No more blame game to fall back on when I fall off the path. That is FREEDOM!
Freedom doesn't give you a pass from responsibility, it is the responsibility. My freedom to choose to live UN-Tucked as my true authentic self means it is my responsibility to remove the obstacles I create in my mind behind the veil of social and self-oppression. I'm free today to choose how I'm going to show up in every situation and interaction. I choose my conduct and my character. And I practice great diligence in not allowing the actions of others to mess with that freedom. This is new for me. I've tied myself for so long to others, that I know right now it will be a daily effort. Living our true self and enjoying the freedom of it does not come without pain or challenge. It is the freedom to choose genuineness and growth over suffering. As Ben Worth so eloquently explained it yesterday at service, it is opening that clinched fist of suffering that you are shaking at God and raising it up to release and receive.
To continue my journey I dedicate myself to the genuine journey of UN-Tucking the Fringe. I'm FREE to co-create my reality with God by my side. I'm FREE to choose to stay connected to and knowing of my own Spirit.