For awhile, my outside surroundings didn't change much. I was still working a stressful job and had to "put on the persona" that people were used to. But what was happening inside made it feel all the more unnatural to me. This girl wanted out and there was no stopping her. The more I practiced, the more I started to learn about ME! I learned through my training that my inner make up, my dosha in Ayurveda science, is Pitta! Fire! I learned about the covert fire that was literally burning from the inside. Like I said, on the outside I was always calm. Showing no emotion and holding it all together for everyone else. Pitta was on the inside burning hot! I began to learn about balancing my dosha through food, yoga and the situations I put myself in every day. Everything began to fall into place when I started to really open up to the why of who I am. Every year since this discovery has been an intense and freeing chapter of growth and release.
As I sat in meditation this morning, I began to reflect back on the year. The intensity of the challenges I faced and the abundance of growth. I've done my best to remain focused on my healing journey while continuing to help others. I've had moments that I can look upon with understanding the lesson and where healing has taken me further down the path. As I sat in reflection, it wasn't about living in the past but giving myself credit for how far I've come on this journey. I was able to see that the one thing that has carried me through is the simplicity of it all. Letting go of attachment to the busy-ness, the chaos, the people pleasing, the control and allowing myself to BE. I know this might sound cliché to many, but it really isn't. It is the way. God delights in the simple things. As I often look to my inner mentor, the person I see 20 years from now, she looks back at me with all the wisdom of what brought her to that place of knowing. I can close my eyes and see the simplicity of her life, the wisdom in her eyes and the life she lived in the smile on her face. She is content.