This morning, my mind woke me up about an hour before the alarm, racing with thoughts of nothing in particular. Just OVER THINKING. I know, for me, this is when I get into trouble knowing that fear and self doubt are soon to follow. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. I tried some breathing techniques and that didn't work either. I tried talking to God and my prayers just rambled. Needless to say, I was tired before I even got out of bed. I began to judge myself and had an internal dialogue of, "You know how this day is going to go now don't you? Don't even bother with your daily devotionals and meditation because you'll be too distracted. You might as well just turn on the TV and see what you can numb yourself with." (Seriously, you don't want to live inside my head.) With those thoughts inside my head, I sat up and placed both feet on the floor and said, "Thank you God for allowing me to wake up with the freedom to choose how this day will go."
Yes I have the freedom to choose. I can become the victim of my OVER THINKING mind all day today, walking around distracted and disconnected, or I can UN-Tuck the Fringe and escape the prison of doubt. I made my way through the simple task of making coffee, packing my husbands lunch and then sat myself down and began to breathe and say thank you 108 times on my mala. Usually I say thank you God for something specific, but today I just said thank you God for freedom.
Acceptance is a huge part of the Tuck the Fringe journey. I accept that no one made me Tuck the Fringe, I had the choice. I may have relinquished the freedom of choice in the past by letting others influence me, but that again, was my choice. I know it is all part of the process and I'm not going to pretend that there won't be days like this. For many years of Tucking the Fringe, I felt trapped inside, it was what I knew as my norm. Now, I am learning to release those patterns so that on days like today, I can return to the choice. It is my choice to live each day as my true self, UN-Tucking my Fringe.
My hope is that we can all honor and share the joy in our freedom. The freedom to choose and follow our heart.