At times I like to reflect by reading through my writings. Looking back without judgement or criticism provides a new perspective on where I've been on this journey. Along the way, I can look at emotions and experiences that may have looked like a detour at the time, but were more of a side trip off the path.
A few years ago I experienced situation that took me down, mentally. I felt blindsided, defeated and honestly, emotionally abused. Initially, I felt like I had made a clean break from a negative situation. Unfortunately, I let my mind take over and before I knew it, I had become a victim. Not only was I playing the victim role, there were plenty of people in my life that wanted to join me. I went from always happy and positive, to having no energy and the energy I did have was spent on replaying this chapter over and over in my head and with anyone who would listen. Mind you, I didn't play this out with those closest to me like my family because they know me too well and would've put me back into place. No, I chose, or better yet, attracted people eager to attach themselves to my situation. Almost like vampires wanting my blood and I was a welcoming host. It became exhausting and very distracting. It's like I was living a double life of trying to stay positive, yet playing this role that didn't fit. Even when I would make a conscious effort to change my thoughts, someone would reach out and pull me back into the pit.
At the time the question I was asking myself was why is this still distracting me? Now as I'm able to look back without criticizing myself for the detour, I can see the answer clearly. This side trip off my path was meant for me to release some deep emotional patterns that I've lived my whole life. This "little" trip off my path, helped me to feel what needed to be felt. Feelings that I had tucked away my whole life for fear of rejection. I needed not just to feel them, but to heal and clear them as well. It was all part of my journey to healing.
Now I visualize my beautiful journey and I am able to see that every person, situation and emotion that has (and will) taken me off the path, has given me the opportunity to UN-tuck my fringe even more. Going deeper into the wisdom of my soul. I don't regret them anymore. I don't question them anymore. And most importantly, I don't stay stuck in them anymore. I release myself from the attachment to the situation and open up to the lesson instead.
Ask yourself today, "What or who am I hanging onto and why?"
The following is a prayer from author Roy Lessin. It is a beautiful way to release.
"Heavenly Father, I release to you the burdens I have been carrying, burdens that You never meant for me to carry. I cast all my cares upon You -- all my worries, all my fears.
Father, calm my restless spirit, quiet my anxious heart, still my troubling thoughts with the assurance that You are in control. I let go of my grip upon the things I have been hanging onto, with opened hands I come to You.
I thank You for Your promise to sustain me, preserve me, and guard all that I have entrusted to Your keeping. Protect my heart and mind with Your peace, the peace that passes all understanding. Father, may Your will be done in my life, in Your time, and in Your way."