I count my blessings for that awakening every day! When I started to remove the layers of "protection" off of my true self, I felt like a baby calf stumbling to walk right out of the womb. I was awkward. So much about me felt foreign. I was exposed and fighting the urge to go back to covering myself. I battled the desire to do a one eighty, going from one extreme to the next—chronic people pleaser to holding my head high and my middle finger even higher! It took a lot of self-care to set some boundaries, which by the way I'm still learning to set.
As I continued to explore this new world of personal freedom, I started to see differently. I began to truly see others from the perspective of where they were along their journey, and I started to remove the narrow lens of my mind and open myself up to a larger view.
We Only Know What We Know~
Everyone we meet is on their own journey. How can we open our minds to understand that which we do not know? I'm going to use a simple example. I once had another yoga teacher tell me that the style of yoga she was trained in was better than my training. At the time, her words made me feel defensive and defenseless all at the same time. I wanted to argue my side, but didn't because in true Jeannine style, I wanted to avoid the conflict of debate. So I dwelled on it. I judged her for being narrow minded and I justified my judgement with a side of I'm better because at least I'm willing to accepts other ideas. Then, I shifted to doubt. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. All this triggered from one little statement that had nothing to do with me at all, and everything to do with her. Had I been a bit farther on my journey I would have been able to handle it differently, but it happened at the right time for me. We know what we know and she only knew one way at the time, so of course in her mind it was the best. At that time, I only knew the patterns that her statement triggered in me—I'm not good enough. That same teacher, now two years later, has a completely different mindset as do I. We are both explorers on this journey. We are awakening and transforming to new ideas. We are seeing the bigger picture.
I accept where I am in every moment, even the simple ones and I accept others too. It's still challenging at times because healing old patterns can be tough, but I'm slowing down and opening my view to see all sides and understanding what is mine and what is not. I will recognize the patterns that are unhealthy, live open to understanding and I will show up present, confident and connected in all aspects of my life, even the awkward and challenging moments.
For me this is my true journey and I am the explorer~