My boys, Zack 24 and Jessy 20, have kept me on my toes and laughing since they were born. First let me preface, that I am the oldest of 3 girls. So when it came to boy babies, I had no idea what to expect. Other than a “boy” baby doll that came out in 1976, I had never seen a baby boy winkie before. The first thing the nurses tell you when you change your baby boy is to always have a cloth ready for cover. This is true!
By the time I was 25 I had two boys, one four-year-old and a new born. It took Zack some adjustment to being a big brother, but he fit the role very well. By the time the Jessy turned 2, they were inseparable. Doing boy stuff and making me laugh out loud every day!
It was always the oldest who was putting the youngest up to the task of “asking Mom”. I could hear them from the other room… “Go ask Mom if we can have a snack.” “Go ask Mom if we can do this or that…” I loved to sit just outside the family room on the stairs and listen to them chat. Usually what they were talking about made no sense whatsoever, but they were having their own little boy conversations.
For as long as I can remember, bodily functions were funny in our house. If the ketchup bottle made a fart noise, they would laugh for what seemed like hours! Even to this day at 24 and 20, that noise brings out a chuckle and then a whole conversation ensues about farts, boogers and DOS!
God knew what he was doing, when he gave me boys. I was a tomboy and boys need a Mom that can go all 9 innings. I was taught the art of cheese cupping, crop dusting, choke holds and chicken wings. Spit sucking and snot strings. Most of these are inside jokes, but you can imagine.
I learned early on how to give them space, but be in earshot to rush in when there was an attempt to do something dangerous, like sticking body part in places they shouldn’t be. Also another inside joke, but hey were talking about boys here!
I was okay with letting them express themselves through fashion, with what seemed like years of living the alter ego of Spiderman, Batman, Darth Maul and Ninjas. I had to refrain from laughing when both attempted to “shave” using my razor in the shower, many years before ever having an ounce of facial hair.
I tried very hard to suppress my nerves as I watched them attempt the high dive or walk on-top of the monkey bars, praying they wouldn’t fall and bite off their tongue. I held my breath in prayer as I watched them race go-karts and stock cars, wrestle, play football, soccer and run track. I am the Mom who remains completely subdued in the bleachers until they’re up! I watched as they hooked the skateboard up to the scooter and pulled each other down the hill in front of our house.
The older they got the funnier they became. Doing impressions and creating their own language to get away from Mom knowing what they were talking about. DOS became their word for shit! Using DOS anytime they wanted to convey frustration.
One time while traveling we stopped at a truck stop to take a bathroom break. The women’s bathroom was so awful I decided to hold it. As the boys and my husband made it back to the car they were rolling with laughter. Zack, in his best Fat Bastard voice said, “It smells like crap on a burning tire!” We still laugh today about it.
I watched as they made guns out of anything from cheese slices to sticks. I’ve paintball’d with them and WON. And I’ve been shot by both of them (and my husband) in the booty with an airsoft gun. That was NOT funny, but they still love to tell the story!
I’ve had to watch the agony of Zack cutting weight for wrestling when there was no weight to cut, and build him up when he felt defeated because he was asked to do the impossible. I’ve watched Jessy take an oath to defend our country with pride and fear all at the same time.
God gave me boys for a reason…
From day one, becoming their Mom was an immediate test in, “Suck it UP and Just Do It”. There is no manual and no time for hesitation! These guys have made me strong with a slightly warped sense of humor. And they have taught me that my best self is the one that is my true-self. There is no covering up or popularity contest when it comes to the unconditional love between a Mom and her sons, minus a few eye rolls along the way.
I was chosen to be their Mom as God created the map of their life. I couldn’t be more honored. Watching them make their way and discovering themselves as men is the best feeling and sometimes the scariest. Now as we enter new chapters, our relationships evolve once again. I hold these memories near to my heart and I immediately smile and laugh and yes get a little choked up. None of us know what will unfold, but I know that these boys fit me and I fit these boys. We have had so many adventures and will continue to have many, many more. My role as their Mom is to remind them to be themselves, PERIOD. Follow your heart and be a Simple Man~
Booger, Booger, Fart, Fart, DOS!
**This is an awesome depiction of being a Mom to boys from ScaryMommyTV**