I'm still working on the detox portion of my recovery. MORE for a PP and doer is what fuels us to feel accepted. But here I was on this journey of UN-Tucking myself one moment, only to tuck myself in again with MORE. I was learning and teaching what I was learning about slowing down and being present, but from every direction, I was being bombarded with MORE. More doing. More have to's. More how to's. I felt pulled in so many directions I didn't know which way was up. I became tired and truthfully, I was resentful that my journey to peace, was anything but peaceful. I was crying out to Spirit, please take this burden from me. I'm tired. Then the lesson came in a simple moment of letting go. God gave me a gift that I am passionate about, yet I wasn't bringing him with me on the journey. I was trying to make it all happen by myself. Of course I prayed every day and tried my best to spend time with God in gratitude, but I was looking outside myself for so many answers when it came to my success. I began to realize that my journey isn't about MORE, it is about less. And all this time I was feeling less than based on someone else's standards, I was MORE than enough for God. Striving to do more actually takes us away from the very simple part of us that is Christ. We are looking for acceptance and validation and it is completely natural to do so. It is part of the human experience to feel accepted by others, but for many, the acceptance we seek is for the wrong things and from the wrong place.
Yesterday, I shared a post on social media about Guru fatigue and how at this time of the new year, we are bombarded with MORE in way of setting goals and resolutions. Here is the post:
I'm just curious if anyone else is experiencing GURU fatigue? Is anyone else feeling bombarded by all the new planners, vision board ideas and advice on becoming something...?
As a recovering People Pleaser and Doer, I have to say not filling out my goal list and making a vision board this year gave me a little bit of anxiety. I've been participating in some sort of "vision" process since the 90s. I just found a vision frame that was made when I worked at ProStaff in 1999! And you know what I did with it? I threw it in the TRASH! I'm sorry but I'm so over it! Don't get me wrong and don't be offended if you are having the time of your life cutting out of magazines and designing your perfect life. I get it! It's great to have goals, but my question is this, "As you answer all the questions about who you want to be and where you see yourself? Have you talked to God about it?" That's it! Very simple!
You know what God told me this past year? Slow down! Sit with me! I will show you! And here's why. I was reading all the books about performance, motivation, drive, hustle, being your best and being big. I was listening to all the business advice about growth, implementation, demand, how to stand out and be something. I was being encouraged 6 ways to Sunday to do all the things I needed to do to expand. Yet when I woke up every morning, I wanted to cry. I was so tired. My mind was so drained and I had lost the desire to do any of it! None of it felt real. Here I was on this journey of uncovering myself only to feel piled on once again with demands and expectations set by others and I, as People Pleasing addict, jumped right in with both feet!
So here I sit at the first of the year with a planner full of white pages ready to be filled out and implemented and I'm sorry but I just won't do it again.
I've found my joy in the simplicity of being and listening to what God actually has in store for me. And yes, now that I'm not full of all the noise, I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR HIM! I'm FREE! This year isn't about who I want to become it is about who I AM and continuing to get to know her!
That post has gotten a lot of interaction from people, which means I'm on to something. I will keep sharing my journey because I believe we teach what we are learning, and I am learning to enjoy the simplicity of who I am. I'm getting to know ME, and that means accepting all parts of me as God does and not Tucking myself into a package acceptable to anyone else. If this resonates with you, I'd really like to know! Send me a message firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you for being here on this journey with me!