As I sat down to begin writing Sunday, it became more apparent to me that un-covering myself is truly going to be a lifelong journey. As I made my gratitude list, I saw in front of me in black and white that I am still holding onto situations I thought I had let go. Yes I had made progress, but I was still filling my arms up with all my shopping bags trying to get through the door of 2018! You know what I'm talking about. God forbid we make more than one trip. We'd rather pile ourselves up with stuff, making the trip through the door even more difficult and yes painful! I could see where I was still doing that, literally and metaphorically. Don't get me wrong, I have made huge progress in my recovery as a co-dependent. But I'm also accepting that my work continues and the tests that I must pass will be more challenging because of my advancement through the process. It's like graduating to the next grade level, the work and the tests become a little bit more difficult in each grade.
And so I began to study myself because that's what I do, analyze and compartmentalize. Here's what I know. Patterns have memory and it's really easy for them to re-appear in our lives. Acceptance is the key! If I accept myself where I am now, then I can begin the process of moving forward. It's about showing up every day, doing the work, even when the enemy is pushing you towards resistance. It's letting go of judgement of yourself and others, knowing that where you are in your journey is exactly where you're meant to be and the same goes for others who might be challenging to you.
It was quite timely that one of my readings today was about this very subject of letting go of all the bags we're carrying. As we enter into 2018, we must put down what we are carrying to be able to open the door and then only pick up what we need to bring with us to the other side. I'd like to share the meditation with you from The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo ~
**Meditate on some threshold you are having trouble crossing in your life. It might be work, at home, in a relationship, or the doorway to greater peace.
**Breathe steadily and look to yourself to see if you are carrying too much to open the door.
**Breathe slowly and with each out-breath put the things you are carrying down.
**Breathe freely now and open the door.
I would add,
**Ask God for guidance in what you are meant to pick back up and bring with you.
Meditating this today helped me through the end of my new year ritual of reflection and gratitude. There is still much that I'm carrying, but my load gets lighter every day as I focus on showing up as my best self. Un-Tucked and True.