If you happen to be reading Tuck the Fringe for the first time or if you've for some reason forgotten, let me explain what it means. Tuck the Fringe is a phrase I use in my yoga classes. When we roll up the yoga blankets we Tuck the Fringe so the roll is nice and neat with no bumps or lumps. However, I realized that it was a metaphor for my life. I was tucking my fringe. Forcing myself into a nice, neat rolled up human to please and appease others. So when I started reading The Life-changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, it was another confirmation that I'm not the only one.
Like me, some of you might think the title is harsh. If that's you, go buy the book, you need it just as much as I did. You might be a member of the Tuck the Fringe club and not even know it. The message of the book is not that we shouldn't care. Quite the opposite. The author helps us through the process of deciding what we should actually care about. This is called our F*ck Budget.
As a recovering PP, I find that I tend to care a lot about everything. This is where the process of actually creating a F*ck Budget comes in handy. Literally writing down what you give a f*ck about and what you should stop giving a f*ck about. If you are like me and feel depleted of time, energy or money, or even all three, pay close attention.
Here are the basics of not giving a f*ck summarized from chapter one
- Take care of yourself first (why do we PP have such a hard time with this)
- Allow yourself to say NO (um yes ~ I'll have some of that please)
- Not giving a f*ck means letting yourself be free from worry, anxiety, fear and the quilt of saying NO
- Reduces mental clutter - eliminating annoying people and things from your life (no more free rent in your brain)
I'm starting to look at it this way. The people I've been worried about in the past have been the most opinionated. At the drop of a hat they have an opinion about anyone and anything. So either way, they will have an opinion so you might as well not waste your f*ck budget (time, energy or money) on what they think. Let them move on to their next victim. As long as you are not giving a f*ck in a nice way and not deliberately hurting someones feelings. Let me share with you to another guiding principal I learned from Brené Brown. "The cheap seats in the areana are filled with people who will never dare enough to venture on the floor. They just sit back and hurl mean spirited criticism and put downs from a very safe distance." It's not about not caring, it's about not letting it define us. We need to be selective about the feedback we care about, i.e. what we allow on our f*ck budget. Brené says and I totally agree, "If you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your opinion or feedback." I look at it this way. It's not that we don't care; of course we do. We have feelings and they get hurt. The difference is letting opinions consume us and take us out of the game. If you're in the game, you're already ahead of those people anyway. There will always be opinions.
The Life-changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck gives excellent real life examples of how we Tuck the Fringe just to accomodate and please others. So the next time you feel pressure to attend an event you don't want to or have someone that seriously sucks the energy right out of you, check to see where it falls in your f*ck budget. Make the choice NOW to UN-Tuck the Fringe, nicely decline and move on because maybe that time, energy or even money is earmarked in your budget for more important f*cks.
Here is a link to the authors website ~ http://sarahknightauthor.com/
Here is a link to Brené Brown's website ~ http://brenebrown.com/books/