A narcissist will pretend to be interested in you. They will be your biggest supporter or cheerleader to make you feel confident. They befriend you in a way that opens you up. You feel comfortable sharing with them. Being vulnerable and sharing parts of you that you may never share with anyone else. The agenda comes into play when in a split second they remove their support and later even use your vulnerability against you with passive aggressive behavior and gashlighting, making you believe it must be your fault, that you must have done something wrong. I've studied a lot about this agenda through my personal experience and reading a lot through psychology text. Narcissists love people like me, co-dependent believing my worth depends on their friendship. A few years ago, I didn't even know what a narcissist was. Of course, I had heard the word before, but I never really looked into what it meant. I was surprised it was actually a personality disorder. In my book it was a bully / asshole, someone who chose to be that way. But apparently not. My ultimate surprise was that I could look back and see how these types of people had been in my life for a very long time. I'm convinced from personal experience that narcissists come in many forms. The ones attracted to me play the victim role so I feel sympathy and want to help. And because I want to continue to see the good in someone, when the bad behavior shifts back to good, I find myself back to square one feeding their agenda.
Even as I write this I am feeling a bit cautious. One because it shows that I'm still working through how to break this cycle from my life and two because I don't want to sound like a victim. I'm not a victim, quite the opposite really. I am stronger now that I know what I'm up against. Understanding my patterns but also understanding the patterns of others.
I am sharing this because I have vowed to share my journey in an authentic way through my writing. Everyone has something they are working through, mine just happens to be this. If you are going through something similar, you can feel very isolated. You don't want to be closed off, never experiencing joy through true friendship, but you must have healthy boundaries. It's a challenge. If they are really good at it, they more than likely are occupying much of your thoughts, in turn making you feel sad or inadequate. I want you to know, you are not alone. If you google narcissism today, there are over 16 million results that come up. It is a real battle for many. I would like to encourage you to keep yourself open to your self-discovery. You are enough! Never let anyone make you feel you're not!
Here is a quick affirmation to use ~
"I acknowledge and release any power I have given to another person. I am enough because God says so!"